going broke is greener

something that's been apparent in the last few months since I've returned home, my belongings stashed in a storage unit a few miles west of here, is that I am unquestionably broke. my meager savings was depleted between moving, unbecoming legal battles, and the indulgences of my former life--organic food at Whole Paycheck Market, driving for miles to visit beautiful locales or people--and the like. I also confess that I had a weakness and penchant for all things Target, of course pronounced in the French accent. Many a simple trip to that mammoth vortex found me spending far more than I'd like to remember, mostly buying impulsive items along with the staples I thought I couldn't do without.
Now, safely ensconced in the muted luxury of my parent's home, I am less inclined to purchase toilet paper or soap, as my dear mom likes to stock up on all manner of toiletries in a decidedly Y2K type fashion. I wouldn't dream of bringing more than a bunch of organic bananas home from WFM (WPM), the occasional block of tofu that mom will curl her lip up at, and perhaps some Veggie Booty to keep the child satisfied in the cart as we do the thing that WFM is best for, graze the freebies. Yum, 3 year old aged gouda...I can still savor the crunchy bits that I enjoyed on our last trip.
Something that I used to do, almost unthinkingly, was spend money. Now that my goal is to rebuild my old nest egg that dwindled to naught in order to pack up and move home, I am not shopping for anything. My clothes are all hand me downs from my fashionista mom, my food is Trader Joe's anything that mom buys, and my nights out are limited to pretty much local, and pretty much hardly ever. The best things in life can be had for free, like hopping aboard a friend's boat and sipping a beer proffered by an old high school chum--no way would he ask me for a dime! Which is good, since I don't usually have more than a few bucks in the old red wallet that Sara made me a million years ago.
Yes, I've been relying on family to feed me, clothe me, and my friends--well, it's like that old Beatles song--I get by with a little help. Not exactly proud of the lack, but a kernel of pleasant promise has come from this seeming dearth of all things material: I don't shop anymore. And by way of not shopping, I am no longer compromising my strict environmental standards, the ones I had much trouble following in the clutches of a beckoning Target warehouse, goods from every corner of the undeveloped world gleaming on mile long aisles. I don't spend hours on the road, guzzling fossil fuels like the Corona I drank less than a mile away on Thursday night for free at a party, thanks to my generous hosts. Yes, a speedboat on Lake Michigan is consuming gasoline, and the bottle that my Corona was sloshing around in might have come from Mexico. The lime in my drink was hardly local, and the frozen meals I've been lunching on from TJ's are not local, organic, or even good for me most likely...but one thing I can say is that I haven't personally contributed to any of this with my own greenbacks.
I recently made a pledge to only buy things I desperately need. I've found that I desperately need nothing! And the side effect of that is that I don't support injustice in the world to obtain my needed goods. I simply go without, and each time I have an impulse to go to the bowels of Target, I remind myself that I just don't really need anything right now. We are lucky; reveling in the kindness of others is not something that everyone gets to enjoy. It's a bit of a second childhood. There are compromises, of course. I might not like eating more red meat than I'm accustomed to. I might not love that my stringent quality control for local food has been undermined by less conscious consumers like my folks. But like mom always said, you don't turn down a free lunch. And anyway, one less consumer is something that I feel offsets some of the damage. When I return from borderline poverty, I hope I can take this new found frugality and consciousness along, and find ways to stay out of Target once and for all.